Divorcing with Dignity -There Is a Softer Way

Dede Gold
Jan 8
5 min read

The Gloss Magazine, Irish Times February 2025

When I got married at 30, I assumed it would be forever. Like so many marriages, it wasn’t. And like so many people, its ending devastated me. What made the difference for us, however, was a shared determination to separate with our heads held high and our friendship intact. It wasn’t easy, but we worked through our split together. While our hearts were a little battered, our finances were not. We made a conscious decision not to invest our time, energy — and crucially, money — in approaching the division divisively.

All these years later, we remain on good terms. I can look back on our marriage with fondness and affection, grateful for what it gave me and for the way we chose to end it.

That experience changed everything.

From Law to Life — and Back Again

I had qualified as a solicitor in both Ireland and England before I was married, and after my divorce I returned briefly to legal practice. But increasingly I felt that contracts and indemnities weren’t my future.

Despite having a good job in a respected Dublin law firm, I hung up the suits and started to paint. It wasn’t always easy — the grass wasn’t magically greener — but that forced “Plan B” brought a creative curiosity and optimism into my life that I hadn’t expected. I don’t mean to sound all Gwyneth, but consciously transitioning into separate chapters — and preserving a lasting friendship — brought me a sense of peace about the future.

Watching Divorce Hurt Too Many People

I know my experience was not universal. Our marriage was short, and we didn’t have children — factors that undoubtedly softened the process. Still, throughout my 40s I found myself consoling one friend after another through brutal divorces. Regardless of finances or circumstances, most emerged feeling emotionally, mentally and financially bruised.

About ten years ago, a friend rang me in distress. What had begun as an “amicable” breakup had spiralled into corrosive correspondence ping-pong. He was nearly €20,000 down — as was she — with no end in sight. That call prompted a Google search that changed my career:“Alternatives to acrimonious divorce?” Soon after, I signed up for a Family Mediation course, followed by training at the London Centre of Coaching, where I specialised in Divorce Coaching.

A Changing Divorce Landscape

More recently, I returned temporarily to a family law firm in London to understand how the system now operates in practice. Two things struck me immediately. First: my suits were wildly out of date. Second: family law had changed — significantly. In England, turning up in court without having meaningfully attempted collaborative resolution is no longer the default. Parties must show they have actively considered mediation or other non-adversarial options before resorting to court, unless there are valid reasons such as abuse, extreme conflict or financial concealment.

Since April 2024, “see you in court” is no longer an automatic ticket. What also fascinated me was the emergence of a new kind of support role: Divorce Consultants — often legally trained, but not acting as solicitors — offering emotional, practical and strategic guidance throughout the process.

Why Divorce Consultancy Matters

The Divorce Consultants I met were almost all former solicitors, trained in coaching and/or mediation. Their value was immediately clear: A legally knowledgeable professional, not charging legal fees, who supports clients emotionally, practically and strategically during one of the most demanding periods of their lives. I knew instantly: this is what I want to do.

In Ireland, one in four marriages ends in divorce (in the UK, it’s closer to one in two). I wanted people going through divorce to come out with their emotional, mental and financial health intact — and to know that divorce doesn’t have to be a battleground.

The Birth of The Breakup Bench

And so, The Breakup Bench was born. I chose the name deliberately — I wanted it to feel like a place of safety and shelter. I had my own bench by the Thames where I figured out my way through divorce, with a wise girlfriend on speed dial. This is that bench, recreated for others.

I support individuals and couples at every stage of marital breakdown. Some clients simply need space to rant — which is entirely understandable. But unlike traditional therapy, my focus is always progression.

I hear your anger, pain and frustration — and then we ask:

· What can we do to make tomorrow easier?

· What steps will help next month?

· How do you want life to look next year?

Practical, Emotional and Financial Support — All in One Place

Many clients don’t understand the divorce process at all. I guide them through it step by step and help them prepare — emotionally and practically.

That might mean:

· helping them choose and work with a solicitor

· preparing them for meetings

· attending meetings alongside them

· teaching them how to keep correspondence focused and constructive

I work closely with solicitors and financial advisers, always as part of one team, with one shared goal: the best outcome for the client. I also strongly encourage clients to get their financial ducks in a row early. Divorce negotiations are far more effective when people understand their finances and future options. That may involve job searches, CV preparation, or post-divorce financial forecasting.

Supporting Children Through Separation

For parents, managing the impact on children is paramount — and often the most emotionally charged part of divorce. This is where I frequently recommend mediation. As a qualified mediator, I see firsthand how powerful it can be. Mediation encourages open communication through an impartial third party, speeds up resolution, and dramatically reduces costs — emotional and financial.

While mediation is increasingly central to divorce proceedings in England, it is still underutilised in Ireland. I’m excited about the forthcoming Mediation Council of Ireland and its role in strengthening family mediation here.

A Better Way Forward

I see clients at all stages of divorce, but the earlier we work together, the better. Early support allows us to form a clear strategy, manage emotions, and avoid unnecessary expense. That said, even one session can restore a sense of control to what often feels like chaos.

In simple terms, my role as a Divorce Consultant is this:

I help clients plan and execute the best divorce for them and their children — in a way that saves their money and their sanity.

The end of a marriage does not have to be the end of your life as you know it. There are softer ways to divorce — and I’m here to help you find them.